Gym Class Capers
by Yorkie Lover
Summary: Elphaba and the gang are forced to take gym class against their will. Shapeless bumblebee uniforms, Munchkin jokes in the locker room, and dodgeball are all included, free of charge!
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: My attempt at humor. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Wicked I do not own.**

**Chapter 1: Letters and Numbers**

Clutching the letter, Elphaba and Galinda yelled at the same time, "_Are you kidding me??!!"_

They had just received a letter from Madame Morrible to the students, stating that all students had to take a mandatory year of gym class. Or, more professionally put, "physical education".

Galinda looked ticked. "You know how long it takes me to look pretty in the morning? And they want me to waste that two hours by-" She shuddered. "sweating??!!"

Boq was looking like someone had just told him he had to go sleep in a bed of nails, while simultaneously getting punched in the place guys didn't like to get punched. His face was pale.

Nessa glanced at him. "Did you think of what Galinda and Elphie do in the privacy in their rooms again?" she asked of his pale face. Boq could only shake his head in answer, though he _did _wonder what they did while alone. He had some bad memories of gym class. Let's just say they involved the locker room, and some "Munchkin" jokes.

Elphaba was furiously flipping through Shiz University's student handbook, titled Shiz University Student Handbook For Those Who Actually Follow The Rules: This Is For You, Elphaba Thropp. "They can't do this..." she mumbled. "They just can't... It has to be against the- SHIZ!!"

"You mean shi-" corrected Fiyero.

"No, I mean SHIZ!! Do you remember the mail-card we got from Shiz when we were seniors?"

Galinda, Fiyero, Boq, and Nessa all shook their heads. Elphaba started to tear into her dressers. "I know it's in here somewhere... AH HAH! FOUND IT!!"

The mail-card read:

Dear ELPHABA THROPP,

Due to your outstanding academic achievement lalala... Unlike other universities, at Shiz, your schedule is set in stone!! (There was one of those little asterisks after this that everyone dreads to see.)

"See??!!" exclaimed Elphaba. "And look what it says at the bottom!!"

It said: Schedule subject to change at discretion of Head.

"Well, that's nice," said Fiyero. He was quite looking forward to gym class. It was a chance to show of his 6-pack in the locker room. Ooh, baby.

"NO, that's NOT NICE!!!" screamed Elphaba. "Do you what else they can do to us?? All because of that little statement!!"

Galinda thought of shapeless black uniforms. "ELPHIE!!! YOU BETTER FIX THIS RIGHT NOW!!"

Elphie sighed. "I can't. Stupid asterisk."

Just then, a lawyer came out of the closet. "Asterisks," he said. "A lawyer's best friend®."

Everyone was silent. Then:

"Did he just say 'friend circle-with-an-r-in-it?'" Fiyero asked.

The lawyer looked ticked. "I have the right to say words and/or phrases anyway I want. Now SHUT UP OR BE SUED!!"

Another pause. Elphaba slowly got up and led the lawyer away by the arm. "There you go... easy does it... now, don't believe everything- HOLY CRAP!! A FIGHT!! AND IT LOOKS LIKE THEY NEED A LAWYER!!"

The lawyer ran off, looking pretty happy.

"So, what do we do now?" Galinda whimpered.

Elphaba sighed. "We go to gym class tomorrow."

**The Next Day**

Elphaba got up and immediately groaned. She, along with the rest of the gang, had gym class today from 9-12. 3 hours of gyms class. She didn't know what she was going to do. There was a reason why she didn't do sports.

However, if she wanted to eat before gym, she had to get up now. The school cafe only served breakfast from 5-8 in the morning, and Elphaba didn't want to be running around for 3 hours with a greasy hamburger in her stomach.

(She thought it'd be better on her stomach to run around for three hours after eating greasy eggs and greasy bacon.)

(Don't question her reasoning. Fiyero did once, and now he seriously wonders if he'll ever be able to have kids.)

After getting out of bed, Elphaba woke Galinda. It seriously irked her that Galinda had no idea how to read a clock, much less set an alarm.

**Flashback!! Heck Yes!!**

"So, that one's a "G" right? Like the beginning of Galinda?"

Elphaba smacked herself in the head. This is what she got for trying to teach Galinda something. "No, that's a 6."

Galinda paused. "You mean," she said in a hoarse whisper, "that that's the _devils number_??!!"

Elphaba paused for a moment, startled. "What-?"

"I mean, I expected it to be a evil looking, maybe with horns and a tail and a pitchfork, but this... this is just unfair!"

"I still don't get it," said Elphaba, confused as usual with Galinda's talking.

"THE FIRST LETTER OF MY NAME IS THE SAME AS THE DEVILS NUMBER!!" shrieked Galinda. "I mean, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna get married? 'Oh what's your name?' 'Galinda.' 'DEVIL WORSHIPER!!!' I can't have that!! Oh my Oz, I'll have to change my name... Do you like Kalinda? Malinda?"

"Galinda, it really doesn't matter-"

"OF COURSE IT DOES!! YOU MAY WANT TO BECOME A MAUNT WHEN YOU'RE OLDER, BUT I WANNA GET MARRIED!! HAVE KIDS!! AND WHO'S GONNA MARRY A PERSON WHOSE NAME BEGINS WITH THE DEVIL'S NUMBER??!!"

Elphaba sighed. "But you see, numbers and letters are different..."

Galinda paid no heed to Elphaba. "Oh why Oz, why me... all I wanted was to be popular and loved by everyone, and get everything I wanted! Is that too much to ask?" She threw her head into a pillow and started sobbing.

Elphaba slowly backed out of the room. She didn't want a tear getting on her. Those burn like none other.

**Back to the Future!! Er... Present, if you want to get technical...**

Calmly, the gym teacher (a female Hippo by the name of Miss Helga) passed out the gym uniforms. They were not, as Galinda feared, all black. They were, however, and ugly mixture of yellow and black.

"We'll look like flippin' bees," mumbled Fiyero.

"Can you explain why Shiz didn't get their school colors as the uniform?" asked Elphaba, annoyed at how the bright yellow would clash with her verdigris.

The Hippo shrugged. "These were the cheapest."

"I'm gonna look like I'm a hippie," wailed Galinda. "Please, please, PLEASE don't make me wear this!"

Miss Helga ignored her. "Here's the deal. Go change now. You can take the uniforms with you after class to wash them and such. After gym class, you MUST take a shower in the locker room. No if's, and's, or but's. Well, there will be butts..."

Elphaba shuddered, picturing Boq's butt. Ugh.

"For the girls, there are personal stalls. However, the guys have one big community shower." She grinned. "Great, no? Now go change!"

Boq, Nessa, Elphaba, Galinda, and Fiyero each trudged (or wheeled, in Nessa's case) into their respective locker rooms.

This was not going to be fun.

* * *

**A/n; Hey there all! I had this idea a few months back in (where else) gym class. It'll get funnier, I promise. I also have 2 more Wicked fics I want to post and 1 Pushing Daisies fic. I can't wait! Though, sadly, I have 5 more papers I need to write by the end of Christmas break... and midterms are the week after we get back... (dies from the massive amount of stuff she has to do.)**

**Please review, this is my first Wicked story with my original plotline...**

**Yorkie Lover**


	2. Locker Rooms

**A/n: Yo there. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked. **

**Chapter Two: Locker Rooms Are a Place For Changing Clothes, Not Altering Them**

In the locker room, Galinda, Nessa, and Elphaba stood uncomfortably facing each other. No one wanted to change in front of the others.

It was Galinda who broke the awkward silence. "Oh, screw it," she said, lopping off her dress easily, as if she did this everyday.

(In fact, Elphaba _did _wonder if she did do this everyday. The getting undressed in front of others part.)

Once Galinda started to unchange, Elphaba and Nessa followed suit. Elphaba did so quickly, for she wanted to talk to Miss Helga before class about two very important matters. As soon as she finished changing into the very unflattering uniforms, she strode out the door to Miss Helga.

Nessa and Galinda were left alone. Galinda was modifying her uniform the best she could, and Nessa was eagerly looking into a mirror.

When Nessa saw what Galinda was doing, she said to her, "Where in the Unnamed God's name did you get all that stuff??!!"

Galinda had pulled out a black duffel bag. "Always come prepared, my friend." She ruffled around in the bag for a little, before pulling out a pair of scissors, some fabric glue, a pink belt, pink tennis shoes, and some bits of pink fabric.

"Pink and yellow?" said Nessa disdainfully.

"Yeah, well... I'll just cover the yellow up. Pink and black go so good together!!"

Nessa shrugged and went back to her mirror.

Galinda, meanwhile, went to work on her outfit. First and foremost, she covered the ugly yellow stripes on the shorts with pink fabric.

_Thank Oz_, she thought, _for quick-drying fabric glue._ On a whim, Galinda added some small pre-cut pink flowers to the black sections of the stripes. Much better. She quickly cut off 6 inches on the shorts that went down to her knees. Short shorts were cute.

The top, however, would be different. "Shiz University: A Standard in Excellence" was written. It would be too difficult to cover every letter with pink. Plus, Galinda was pressed for time. What could she do? She racked her brains, trying to come up with a solution.

"You do realize," said Nessa, disrupting Galinda's thoughts, "that you're sitting there wearing only a bra and underwear?"

Galinda shrugged. "So? It's comfy." She wanted to add, "A lot comfier than those dresses," but didn't want to ruin her reputation as a dress lover. She had to finish modifying her uniform. But how could she get those letters covered up on her gym shirt? Galinda could sense the answer there, right in front of her...

It hit Galinda, finally. One of her giant pink flowers!! But did she have any left? She ruffled through her bag and found one left. Holding it up to the shirt to see if it would cover the logo, Galinda found that it as the perfect size. "It's just my day!" she squealed, causing Nessa to look up from her mirror.

Galinda ignored her. Throwing on her shirt, she grabbed the scissors and made a very low "V" cut to show some of her... assets. Fortunately, the flower did not need to be cut, too.

_What's the point of having big boobs if I can't show them off for the guys? _rationalized Galinda. She threw on her shorts, and _voila_. A pink and black outfit with a v-neck and super short shorts. Those Ozmo girls couldn't have done better themselves.

Putting her supplies back into her duffel bag, Galinda noticed Nessa still staring intently into the mirror, which was unlike Nessa. Galinda moved over to see what she was looking at...

* * *

"What do you mean, you're allergic to water?"

Elphaba sighed. She was trying to explain to the Hippo why she couldn't take showers after gym class.

"I'm allergic to water. I don't know what more you can want."

Miss Helga eyed her suspiciously. "Are you sure you're allergic? It could be just a fear of water."

"Seeing as every time time I get water on me, I feel like my flesh is being set on fire, I'd say I'm sure."

"How do you clean yourself, then?" asked the Hippo, unconsciously taking a step away from Elphaba.

"Oils, mostly. If my hair is really greasy, I put baking soda in it, then wash it out with oil."

_Wouldn't the oil just make your hair even more greasy_? Miss Helga wanted to ask, but refrained from doing so. If this girl wanted to use oil for her hair, then she had no problem with that. As long as the girl smelled good, for Oz's sake. "All right, whatever," she said irritably. The excuses kids made these days.

"There's another thing," said Elphaba, looking uncomfortable.

"What is it?" snapped the Hippo.

"It's... my sister. Nessarose. She's in a wheelchair, so I was wondering how she could..."

"Participate? Oh, we'll think of something, I sure. Besides soccer, what can't she do?" said Miss Helga with in an offhand tone. "Now go. I've to figure out where two of my students are."

* * *

"_You're spying on guys changing??!! _Nessa, I'm so proud of you!! How did you come up with the idea??!!" 

Nessa looked down guiltily. "Well... I was looking my my mirror, and I happened to see Fiyero... it took a little while, but I managed to get a view of the whole room. Look, there's a mirror there... and there, in the corner... I think it goes all the way to the guys' locker room. It was just luck that I found it, actually."

"Could they see us?

"Probably." Galinda promptly perked up and ran a finger through her hair. "But what of the odds of the guys finding this? Plus, I'm watching them both right now, and none of them are looking into a mirror."

"What are they doing?" asked Galinda excitedly.

"Fiyero's standing besides Boq, flexing his abs. Probably trying to show off, the jerk... Anyway, Boq isn't looking too happy."

Galinda squealed. "Fiyero's got his shirt off??!! LET ME SEE!!" Galinda, being Galinda, grabbed the mirror off Nessarose. "I can't see him," she said, disappointed.

Nessa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "No? That's odd. It doesn't matter, we better get going... we can't be late our first day of class."

* * *

Fiyero was standing shirtless by Boq, flexing his abs. Nessa had been right. He was showing off. 

"Com _on_, change already!!" pleaded Fiyero, sounding like a three year old.

"No."

"PleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE??!!"

Boq stared at him. "You know, if I didn't know you any better... I'd say you're gay." He paused. "Not that there's... anything wrong with that," he finished lamely, unwittingly quoting one of the greatest episodes of Seinfeld ever aired.

"I'm not gay. I just wanna see how we... you know. Measure up."

"No."

Fiyero sighed. Boq was never going to give. He had been bugging him for the past ten minutes, to no avail. He sighed. "Whatever, man," he said, throwing on his shirt and rounding the corner. Fiyero stopped there and stayed silent.

Boq, after a few seconds, took his top and his pants off. He examined himself in the mirror. Yes, he was a little chubby around the waist, but who wasn't? Except for Fiyero, that is.

Boq sighed. That guy had the physique of a god. And, if he could remember correctly from the _Oziad_, he had the ethics of a god, too.

That is, Fiyero and Ozeus, the kings of the gods, knew how to get around. (If you get my drift.)

After a few seconds, there was a creak. Boq turned around, but saw nothing.

_Oh well, _he thought, scratching his head. That was the exact moment Fiyero popped out from behind the wall.

"Ah-HAH!" Fiyero exclaimed. "Someone needs to work out! Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!!!" He darted around Boq and stole his clothes. Before Bog knew what was happening, he had sprinted out the door, leaving Boq in there in his underwear.

He peaked around the corner. Fiyero had placed his clothes in the gym.. To get there, he had to go past the girl's locker room. If they came out while he was trying to get his clothes... well, Boq would not be a happy camper.

Taking a deep breath, Bog sprinted out of the locker room. He was passing the girls' locker room when it hit him:

_Galinda and Nessa were standing in the gym already!!_

With no time to lose, Boq lunged for the nearest doorway.

The girls' locker room.

It looks as though Boq is trapped.

* * *

**A/n: Sorry about the chapter title. I couldn't think of anything. Heheh.**

**Please review!! I may not get to update for a long time, sorry. Long story.**

**-YL**

**PS: Zarrian, school laptops in secluded corners work _wonders _when you want to post a story. Trust me. I know. ;-)**


	3. Dead People and Dodgeball

**A/n: Umm... let's see. OK, I mentioned Jesus in here, but it was in an attempt to be funny. I'm not trying to force my religion on you. Trust me. I get that enough at my school already. So don't take offense. Please.**

**Happy Valentine's Day!!**

**On the title: Bill Nye The English Guy says, "Nice use of alliteration."**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, if I owned Wicked, I'd use it as a way to get my English and religion teacher together. ;-) Yes, I'm weird. But they'd be soo cute!!**

**Chapter 3: Dead People and Dodgeball**

Galinda kicked the pile of Boq's clothes with her boots. "Whose are these? And why aren't they naked now??" she pouted, still mad that she didn't get to see Fiyero totally bare.

Elphaba shrugged. "I don't know, but they look like a guy's... By the way, where _is _Boq?"

Just then, they heard what could only be described as the love child between a laugh and a snort (A "Snauff") coming from Fiyero. Elphaba, Galinda, and Nessarose all looked over at him curiously. He ignored them and continued to "Snauff".

Nessa was secretly glad that Boq was the one she stalked, not Fiyero. She nervously wheeled back and forth a few feet. Where _was _Boq? Was he alright? What if he was hurt and lying in the locker room, moaning as his life slowly fluttered away-

She gasped. Fiyero probably liked her, and killed Boq so he could have her all to himself!! Well, she wasn't going to let that happen. She wheeled over to Fiyero, and ran over his foot. Repeatedly.

"You _(smoosh) _go _(smoosh) _get Boq _(smoosh smoosh) _right now!! _(multiple smooshes for dramatic effect!)_" Nessa exclaimed.

"_What was that for??_" yelled Fiyero. "And what is 'smoosh'?"

Nessa blushed. "Oops, did I say smoosh? That was only supposed to be in italics. Oh well. It's like smush, only more painful."

"Well, I'm not going in the girls' locker room to get that wimp. All he had to do was run out-"

"YOU MURDERED HIM IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM??"

"No, no, you see-"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!! MURDER NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, FIYERO?? HAVE TO HUMILIATE THE VICTIM BEFORE KILLING THEM NOW??"

"No, all I did was take his clothes and-"

"_SO YOU RAPED HIM TOO?? _I KNEW YOU HAD NO MORALS, FIYERO, BUT THIS... THIS IS JUST _WRONG!!_" Nessa, furious, wheeled away.

Fiyero watched her, totally confused, as she went into the girls' locker room to find Boq.

* * *

When Nessa got into the locker room, she couldn't bear to open her eyes. She did _not _want to see Boq's desecrated corpse. Shaking, she placed her hands over her eyes.

Boq, on the other hand, walked right up in front of Nessa. He thought she was crying, and tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you alright, Nessa?"

Nessa looked up and gave a small shriek of surprise. "Boq!! You're alive!!"

"Well, yeah-"

"You're like... Jesus!! You were dead and then you came back to life!!"

"Dead?" asked Boq, but Nessa had wheeled herself out to the gym.

"GUYS!!" she yelled. "Boq is _Jesus!!_"

There were murmurs of surprise from the class.

_Jesus? That's different. __Well, no wonder Nessa likes him so much. _

_Who's Jesus? Is he hot? Hmm... toss toss, toss toss. OR MAYBE I should do something special for Jesus! How about... flip flip, flip flip?? _

_I murdered Jesus?!_

Isn't fun to hear people's thoughts?

* * *

Boq stumbled out of the locker room, naked except for his underwear.

"Ooh," said Galinda.

He quickly put on his bumblebee uniform, and glared at Fiyero. "Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again."

Fiyero nodded, eyes wide. "Yes, Jesus."

"I'm not Jesus," replied Boq, sitting down on the uncomfortable bleachers. He looked out to the middle of the gym, were Shiz's Mascot was painted.

It was a book with glasses.

Boq turned to Elphaba. "Did you ever notice how cheesy our mascot is?"

Elphaba shrugged. "Master Boq, I didn't come here for sports. I came here to learn. Sports are for brainless losers-"

Fiyero slam dunked a basketball.

"Like that," finished Elphaba, nodding toward Fiyero.

"But surely you have _some _athletic talent, Miss Elphaba!!" pressed Boq.

"Master Boq, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you were insulting me. Fortunately, I know that you don't have the mental capacity to do, and that any offense taken by me was purely incidental."

"Miss Elphaba, have you ever-"

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of two more people:

Tibbett and Crope.

"We're here-ere!!" yelled Crope.

"To save the world-"

"From certain destruction!!"

They giggled.

"Where were you two?" asked Miss Helga, then thought better of it. "Wait, I don't want to know..."

"It's nothing of that sort!" exclaimed Tibbett. "But we're honored-"

"That you'd feel that way!!" finished Crope. "But let's just say-"

"That Horrible Morrible-"

"Won't be getting out of her office anytime soon!!" they finished together, collapsing into a fit of giggles.

Elphaba grinned at them. "You guys just made my day."

"Don't they find that interrupting each other is annoying?" asked Nessa to Elphaba.

"Of course we don't-" started Tibbett.

"It just makes life-"

"Very much more interesting!!" ended Tibbett and Crope, together.

Miss Helga rolled her eyes. "Well, now that everyone is here, we're going to start. Today, our class will be..." She flipped through her notes. "Dodgeball!'

"Dun dun dunnnnnn," said Elphaba under her breath.

* * *

**Review, it's Valentine's Day...**

**Want to see something funny? Go on and click on Valentine's Ecards. Select the humor category and choose the second one over. It's something like "You're as sweet as...". It is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I mean it.**

**Happy Valentine's/ Single's Awareness Day!!**

**(Heart symbol)**

**-YL**


	4. Tight White Pants and Dodgeball

**Disclaimer: (Insert really funny and clever disclaimer here stating that Yorkie Lover does not own Wicked.) **

**Chapter 4: Tight White Pants and Dodgeball**

"We're going to start and pick teams. Hmmm... Miss Elphaba and Master Boq, you shall be the captains."

"Sure, pick the two with the least amount of athletic talent," Fiyero muttered, ticked that he wasn't captain.

Galinda nudged him. "Don't worry! You'll be picked first, anyways!! I mean, you're _athletic_!!" Fiyero brightened.

Elphaba was the first to pick. "Uhh... umm... Let's see... Galinda."

Galinda squealed. "Yay!!"

"What?!" Fiyero cried.

"Tibbett."

"Crope."

"This is RIDICULOUS!! How am I NOT picked yet?!" screeched Fiyero. He sighed. "At least I won't be picked behind cripps over here."

Nessa glared at him.

"Nessa," Boq said.

"WHAT IS THIS?! I AM PICKED _LAST?! _YOU SHOULD ALL BE BEGGING ME TO BE ON YOUR TEAM!!"

She smirked at him and wheeled over to Boq's team.

Elphaba sighed. "Crud, we're stuck with _him._" She turned to the Hippo. "Miss Helga, I strongly feel that the addition of Master Fiyero will hurt my team's chances drastically. Would you be able to place him on Master Boq's team?"

"_EXCUSE ME?!_"

"Well, if you truly think so..." Miss Helga began.

Boq scowled. "Elphaba, you just don't want him on your team."

"So?"

"I HATE YOU ALL!"

"Mister Fiyero, will you calm down? You will be on Master Boq's team."

"I loathe you," Boq muttered to Elphaba.

"You're not the first to do so," she replied.

* * *

Elphaba pulled Galinda and Crope over for a pep talk. "Here's the deal: don't get hit by a ball. Hit others with balls. Questions?"

Crope snickered.

"Master Crope?"

"Hit... others... with... balls," was all he was able to say in between laughs.

"What are we, two?" she muttered.

"Elphie, we're actually supposed to _hit _others with these balls?! And they're trying to hit us?!"

Crope giggled.

"That _is _the point of dodgeball, Galinda."

"But... my hair!! My nails!! My face!! What if I get hit?!"

"Then you're out," answer Elphaba.

"I'm not playing," Galinda said stubbornly.

"Galinda-"

"No no no! Don't you try to persuade me!! You and your big words of bigness won't make me change my mind!"

Elphaba sighed. "If you don't play, Galinda, you'll probably get kicked out of this class."

"... So?"

"Well, then you won't be able to come back to class."

"...So?"

"And when we get to baseball, then, you won't get to see Fiyero in the baseball uniform."

Galinda paused. "S-so?"

"Do you know what the baseball uniform is?"

"No."

"Let's just say it consists of tight white pants."

Galinda gasped. Elphaba continued: "Just think, Fiyero in tight white pants, slightly sweaty all over, his tan contrasting nicely with the tight white pants... Did I mention tight white pants?"

Galinda and Crope were drooling slightly. Elphaba was, too, in her mind.

"OK!! I'll do it!!" Galinda practically shouted.

"Me too," added Crope dreamily.

They were silent, each in their own fantasy world.

Miss Helga's whistle jolted them out of it. "What time is it? Game time!!"

"Just what we need: another cheerleader," moaned Elphaba.

Boq's team was lining up already. Elphaba, Galinda, and Crope walked over to their half of the court.

"Here's the rules!!" shouted Miss Helga. "I'm placing four balls in the middle of the court. At my whistle, you will run to grab the balls. Masters Crope and Tibbett,_ what in Oz's name is so funny?!_"

"Nothing," they said in such a way that one immediately knew _something _was going on.

The Hippo finished explaining the rules. Don't cross the line, if you caught a ball the thrower was out, if you got hit you were out, etc.

Finally, it was time to start the game Miss Helga blew her whistle. Fiyero sprinted up to the line and grabbed all of the balls.

(Not an innuendo. :)

"That's so unfair," said Galinda. She turned to Elphaba. "I mean, they get _all _of the ba-"

_BAM. _The ball hit her smack dab in the side of the head. Galinda tumbled over.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Elphaba looked up. _Someone _was going to get eaten by Galinda. But who? Who would be so idiotic as to hit Galinda, Miss Popularity, in the head?

The answer was obvious. Boq was leaning as far over the line as humanly possible, trying to comfort his love. Nessa was shaking her head. Tibbett was making obscene gestures at Crope.

Fiyero was cracking up.

"Figures," muttered Elphaba.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW!! _**WHO**_ DID THAT?!"

Fiyero laughed even harder. "You should've seen her go down... it was like in slow motion..."

"FIYERO!! WHAT THE &!#& (insert swear word here) WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"I didn't mean.. well, I did... but you were just standing there... It was an open shot... but I didn't mean to hit you in the head!!" declared Fiyero. He paused, then went on. "OK, maybe a little. But not much!!"

"I AM GOING TO EAT YOU, LAUGHING AS YOU MOAN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS SLOWLY FLUTTERING AWAY INTO NOTHINGNESS!!"

Elphaba looked at Galinda with new-found respect. "You're good."

Then she had to go and ruin it. "I MEAN, _SERIOUSLY_!! MY HAIR TOOK ME TWO HOURS THIS MORNING!! **_TWO HOURS!! _**AND YOU HAD TO GO AND RUIN IT! YOU. ARE. _DEAD_!!"

"Miss Galinda-" started Miss Helga.

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!! BECAUSE I WON'T!! I AM THROUGH WITH GYM CLASS!! IT'S COMPLETELY USELESS ANYWAY!!" Galinda hopped up and stormed away. Elphaba ran after her.

"Galinda, don't. Remember, tight white pants..."

She stopped. "But my _hair_..."

"Fiyero in _tight white pants. _Doesn't he work out?"

"Yeah..."

"Think how nice his calves will look!! Galinda, if you leave, _you will miss the oppurtunity of a lifetime!!_"

She brightened. "You're right, Elphie!! I can't give up now!!"

"Good. Now let's get back the class."

They walked over to the rest class. Before they reached the others, though, Galinda said to Elphaba, "You know, if I didn't know you an better... I'd say you want to see Fiyero in tight white pants, too."

Elphaba laughed nervously. "N-no, you know me..."

"True!" Galinda said, reassured. "I mean, it's not as if you're gonna steal my boyfriend, right?"

* * *

A little while later, the game was progressing. A ball rolled toward Elphaba and she picked it up. Clutching the ball, she wondered who to throw it at.

Nessa? No, she couldn't throw it at her sister.

Tibbett? Elphaba didn't want him to run sobbing off the court. The same went for Boq.

That left Fiyero. He was looking at Galinda, posing for her.

_That show-offing freak_, she thought_. But... he IS hot..._

Elphaba shook her head to clear her mind of these thoughts. She took a step and threw the ball at Fiyero.

As soon as it left her hands, she knew where it was heading. Apparrently, Fiyero had a sixth sense to tell when an inanimate object was going to hit him in the crotch, because he turned to face the ball right before it hit him. His eyes widened.

The ball hit him. Fiyero made a face like a fish out of the water. He went down, rolling on the floor.

Everyone on the court stoppped playing. Elphaba ran over to Fiyero. Taking one look at his face, she started to laugh.

"It's... not... funny," he said through gritted teeth.

"Oh Oz, I didn't even _mean_ to hit you there..."

"_Oh yes you did!!_"

"No, I really didn't," laughed Elphaba. "But it IS really funny, you lying on the ground like Galinda ten minutes ago."

"I hate you."

She grinned. "Doesn't everyone?" She walked away, back to her own side.

"Master Fiyero!! Why are still on the ground, clutching your balls?!" Miss Helga yelled.

"I am in _pain_, ma'am."

"So?! Get up now, unless you want to fail and get kicked out of gym class forever!"

"NO FIYERO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE!!" screamed Galinda, overhearing. "YOU HAVE TO WEAR YOUR TIGHT WHITE PANTS!!"

He looked up, confused.

"Long story," said Elphaba.

* * *

**A/n: 5-08: Sorry it took me so long. Don't hate me!! **

**To everyone leaving fanfiction: **

**I love you guys. It's been a good time. I know everyone must move on at a point. Fanfiction is just a stepping stone, not a career. I'm just sad I have to see you guys leave.**

**I'm not done writing yet. Will I be in the near future? No. Maybe this time next year, yes, but not this year.**

**Love you all!**

**-YL**


	5. Munchkin Showers

**A/n: Last chapter- Guess where I got the idea for tight white pants. (Grins) Heh heh heh... Can I help it if my religion teacher is the baseball coach? Can I help it if he sometimes wears his baseball uniform to class? I think not.**

**Disclaimer: I don't even own the tight white pants. I don't own Wicked, I don't own tight white pants. Get it? Got it? Good.**

**Chapter 5: Munchkin Showers**

Class was over.

_Finally_, thought Elphaba. _That took long enough. _She walked with Galinda and Nessa- well, Nessa didn't walk, of course- toward the locker room. They quickly showered (Elphaba with oil) and left the gym within 20 minutes. It was as simple as that.

In the boy's locker room, Boq was having a tougher time.

* * *

When they got in the locker room open shower, Fiyero quickly stripped to nothing. He put his hands on his hips and spread his legs. (That's what she said...) Strangely, he resembled Superman.

A naked Superman.

Boq looked at Fiyero. (At his FACE, you perverts. ;) "Must you _always_ feel the urge to pose?"

Leaning casually against the wall, Fiyero said, "Yep!"

Boq sighed. Although he didn't look directly down there, he could see that Fiyero was incredibly... well-gifted. AND all the girls loved him. Some guys have all the luck.

He turned away from Fiyero and took off his clothes. There was no way he was gonna compare... things with Fiyero. There wasn't even a contest.

Fiyero whooped when he saw Boq naked. "Let's compare ourselves!"

"No."

"Aww... poor Boq-y Wocky doesn't want to face me. The wittle Munchkin must be called a Munchkin for a reason. And I can guess why..."

Angrily, Boq turned to face Fiyero. "If you don't shut-" He shut up himself when he saw Fiyero grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Well," he said. "You're a Munchkin in more ways than one... Wait 'til I tell Galinda!"

"NO! No! It's the water... it's shrinks it... I was in the pool!! The pool!" Boq shrieked, again unwittingly quoting one of the greatest comedies of all time.

Fiyero raised an eyebrow. "You must have been in the pool for a _long time_, if you catch my drift."

"Don't tell her... please..."

"For a price."

"What price?" Boq asked weakly.

"So, how long is yours..."

Boq sighed. It was going to be one of Those Days.

* * *

When they got back to their room, Galinda turned to face Elphaba. "Did you _have _to hit him there, Elphie?!"

"Galinda. Do you think I'd-"

"I mean, come on Elphaba!! What were you _thinking?!_"

"But-"

"I think I'm gonna kill you! I KILL YOU!!"

"GALINDA," said Elphaba. "Listen to me. Do you think I have enough athletic talent to actually _aim_ where I'm throwing?"

"Yeah..."

"Think about it. This is the girl who thought basketball and soccer were the same sport."

"True," agreed Galinda. "But you always seemed like the sporty girl..."

Elphaba sighed. "I suppose, in another lifetime, I _could_ have liked sports. I spent my childhood caring for Nessa. The time I did have to myself, I poured over books. There was simply no time for other activities."

"Oh, Elphie..."

"Don't worry about me," said Elphaba with a grin. "That was in the past, and I have no regrets."

"Really?" asked Galinda.

"Yes."

"Well, I have a regret."

"What?" Elphaba asked, shocked that the Girl Who's Life Was Perfect would have any regrets.

"I wish..."

"Yes?"

"I wish I could have seen Fiyero in tight white pants sooner!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes, though in truth, she wished _she _could have, too.

Just then, the man-in-question burst into the door.

"Did you get your mail yet?!" Fiyero exclaimed.

"No."

"Apparently we have to wear the uniforms for the sport we play in gym!"

Elphaba looked at him, confused. "Didn't you know that?"

"Obviously not!"

"What's the big deal, Yero?" asked Galinda.

"What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER?! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE BOQ IN TIGHT WHITE PANTS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

Elphaba and Galinda shivered involuntarily.

"Ugh," they said together.

He sat down on Elphaba's bed, and put his head in his hands. "I think I may be scarred for life," he mumbled. Only, it was hard to hear him, so it came out as, "I mmph I mmph umph mmm hmmp life."

"I didn't understand a word you just said," Galinda giggled.

"Fiyero, As much as I love yo-" When she realized what she was saying, Elphaba caught herself. He looked at her funnily. "As much as I love you and Galinda and Boq and Nessa and feel like I can tell you anything, PLEASE get your fat butt off my bed."

He stood up. "Why, Miss Elphaba, I thought you were finally going to declare your love for me right there."

"My love for you is secret and unending," she said, grinning.

"I do believe it's not a secret anymore."

"Drat! My love is revealed!" Elphaba turned to Galinda. "I'm sorry. I must steal your boyfriend and run off into the woods with him now," Elphaba said seriously.

Galinda giggled. "You guys are too funny," she said. "And that's why we're friends! Group hug!"

"NO," Fiyero and Elphaba declared at once.

* * *

**A/n: A poem by Yorkie-**

**"The Review"**

**She signs on and checks-  
hopefully, eagerly... please  
let there be reviews!**

**Come on, I wrote that for you guys... You HAVE to review now! :)**

**-Yorkie**


	6. Runaway Wheelchairs

**A/n: Sorry for the wait... My humor muse left me. Fortunately, I managed to get this written before it completely left me. **

It was the third gym class. Miss Helga (evidently tired by Galinda constantly shrieking whenever a ball was thrown to her side of the court) decided to have to students run outside. It was an overcast day, with temperatures in the seventies. Elphaba peered nervously up at the sky.

"Miss Helga, I don't mean to bother you, but..."

"But what?" snapped the Hippo. "You're running, and that's _final._"

Elphaba sighed. There was no arguing with her. "And my sister? What's she to do? Perform a miracle so she can run just for your wonderfully wonderful gym class? In fact, let's just give her wings to make it even easier on her." Gosh. Cynicism was just so_ fun._

Teacher stared at student, trying to decide if she was being insulted. In the end, she decided she was, and replied, "Don't you use that sarcasm on me, young lady. You will just have to push your sister."

"You're kidding, right?!"

"No, I am not. You will only have to do half of the circuit, though. It's your choice."

Elphaba glanced at the sky again, weighing her options. The sky was rapidly becoming darker. "Deal." She took off with Nessa.

Miss Helga turned to the rest of the class. "Well, what are the rest of you waiting for? Go!" She made a shooing noise, as if Boq, Fiyero, Galinda, Tibbett, and Crope were simply annoying wild animals.

"Ma'am, I'd just like to point out that I am not an annoying wild animal," Fiyero piped up. "I do not like being treated like one!"

"Yeah!" agreed Galinda.

"I want to live in a world where hot people- like me- do not get treated like Boq is everyday."

"Hey!"

"Yes!" shouted Galinda.

"I WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE PRETTY PEOPLE RULE!!" screamed Fiyero.

"ME TOO!"

Miss Helga blinked. "Well... okay..." she said, obviously confused. "I'll get right on it."

"You've _got _to be kidding me," muttered Boq. Upon seeing the glare from the Hippo, Boq, Galinda, Fiyero, Tibbett, and Crope took off. The last two promptly found a secluded area near the trees and...Well, you know.

Boq and Fiyero got smart quickly. They discovered that if they ran right next to Galinda, they could see her... voluptuous bosom bouncing up and down.

"I just love running, don't you?" exclaimed Galinda.

"Uh-huh," responded Boq.

"Sure," said Fiyero.

"It's just so _exciting!_"

"Yep."

"Yeah."

"Do you guys like running, too?"

"Who wouldn't?" asked Boq absently.

"Bosom," said Fiyero.

"Bosom?!" she exclaimed.

"I mean...um... chest."

"What?!"

"It, uh, shapes your chest?" Fiyero himself asked this as a question, as if asking Galinda if this was a formidable excuse.

"Ooh, right! I forgot about that!"

Boq would have inwardly groaned, if his thoughts weren't _Boobs boobs Galinda boobs._

Now, instead of staring in front of them, as any sane person would do when running, Boq and Fiyero stared at Galinda and her...assets. Which probably isn't the best thing to do while running. Especially when a girl who does not like rain is running ahead of you on the hill, and it is starting to rain.

"AHH!" shrieked Elphaba, diving off into the trees near the side of the road. In a desperate attempt to save herself, Elphaba suddenly let Nessa go. Nessa, with no one to push her up the hill, quickly started rolling backwards down the hill.

Galinda, Boq, and Fiyero continued jogging up the hill. "I _do _like this running business! Think of all the weight I'm going to- _RUNAWAY WHEELCHAIR!"_

Boq and Fiyero were both startled out of their fantasy world. When they saw what was coming, each of their eyes got as wide as saucers. All three slowed down to a stop. They couldn't move; they were like deer in the headlights.

Fiyero knew that this was going to be very, very painful. He could feel the bruises forming even before getting run over. When the time came, Nessa didn't feel more than a bump. Fortunately for Fiyero, the whole ideal was over in less than a second; the mental scars, however, would last him a lifetime.

Boq took off after Nessa. He, however, wasn't the most balanced person on earth, and running downhill isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. He tumbled down the hill like a giant snowball, gaining momentum with each passing second.

"Oof. Ow," moaned Boq while flying down the hill.

Emerging from the bushes, Tibbett and Crope could not believe their eyes. Nessa was flying backwards down the hill, while Boq was tumbling after her. Fiyero was lying on the ground, looking similar to a smooshed ant. Galinda was watching everything with her mouth wide open; Elphaba was sobbing quietly to herself, moaning about the water.

"How do we always manage to miss all the good stuff?!" asked Crope angrily.


End file.
